Country singer Garth, Brooks, croons about a man who desired
a particular girl during high school. Oh, how he prayed with all of his might
that he would be a perfect man should he be granted this one wish. Years later,
at a reunion he realized the blessings he received by not being granted the wish.
On the
southwest corner of Noble Avenue and Tuba Street sat a house with a fence and
backyard parallel to Noble Avenue. The family of this home owned two Doberman
pincers. Whenever Tony walked past this
house, those dogs barked fiercely. It was enough to want to walk to the edge of
the sidewalk in order to avoid them! The growl of their bark reached out over
the fence. Tony had NO apparent fear of them! When he took a stroll past those
ferocious creatures, he would hop up and smack the closest puppy in the face
without any effort. As he laughed it was as if he had just daringly swat a fly!
Tony
was one of Billy’s best friends up until their high school years at James Monroe.
It was then the friendship waned due to a misunderstanding. While Billy was my
on and off again boyfriend, I always had a steady crush on Tony. It seemed that
when I was seriously seeing Billy, Tony was not seeing anyone. When Tony was
seriously seeing someone, Billy and I were not together. More than anything,
though, he was my friend. We shared insults with one another, even buying
insult books at the Northridge Mall that summer of 1979 when we all went to see
Meatballs starring Bill Murray. It
was our game to see who could insult the other the worst, all done in fun. He
even loaned me his locker in D Hall the whole time I was at Monroe. I still
have the combination in a little yellow book that I kept such information.
When Billy had surgery on his knees
during the spring of 1981, he was out of school for a week. Tony walked me to
my classes and then met me afterwards, this included walking with me to and
from home. I don’t think my dad liked him because Tony waited for me at the
sidewalk instead of coming to the door. But he was my protector while Billy was
convalescing. Billy was jealous. Nothing
came of it, just Tony watching out for me because in his eyes I was “Billy’s
girl.” It was as if they had this unspoken code that they did not go after each
other’s girl. I fell hard for Tony. He was unbelievably handsome! His mustache…oh
my! He was athletic, too, running for James Monroe. However, it was that respect and consideration
that tugged at my heart strings.
In high school Tony frequently
dated, or so it seemed to me, always looking for someone to fill a void. His
home life was fraught with constant turmoil. Growing up, Billy’s home was the
haven for him even though they too, had their share of woes. When I was in the
10th Grade and he was in the 11th, he went to live with relatives
in New Jersey for several months. We
wrote back and forth but he only had eyes for Elysa Wyneken. I paled in looks
dramatically compared to Elysa. My heart skipped a beat when I found out that
he was back – sadly for Billy. But then, it was sad for me when he eagerly
began dating Elysa – much to her parent’s strong dismay! Still…on one hand I
was in love with Billy with a huge crush on Tony. Life is interesting.
We lost touch as we left high
school. I went on to serve a mission for my church - South Carolina. One of my
friends went to Chicago. I knew that Tony had plans of being there. My friend,
Cory, watched for him but to no avail. As the years came and went I kept
searching for him – and Billy. My kids, never having met either of them, kept
an open eye for them. Tony and I finally connected in April of 2010 through a
mutual friend on a social networking site. We talked for three hours! The
longings from the years past hopefully would come into play.
Tony was still the Tony I knew from
way back when. When we talked, it felt as if we were back in those days of which I
so missed. His voice was the same. He still had the same sense of humor. But he
wasn’t the same. Neither was I. No longer a naive seventeen year old, I was about
to become a grandmother for the first time. I wanted things to be the same
except that too much life had happened along the way. Tony reminded me of the
character played by Neil Diamond, Jess Rabinovic, in the 1980 version of The Jazz Singer. He was still trying to
find where he fit into society. One day
he stopped calling. Part of me was relieved and the other hurt. In the end,
there was closure. It took about a year and the prayer was at long last
answered.
My kids grew up hearing the stories
from that period. We put him upon the same pedestal that we put Billy on, which
was high. I was able to take him down to rest. I could now be grateful that
there was never an intimate relationship between us. As it was, our lives went
in very different directions. Neither was easy by any means. Moreover, I could
now say with conviction that I was glad that we met up just for that brief
moment in history. I could stop wondering what became of him. I could continue
laughing every time I thought of him slapping those fierce beasts. I could
still sigh whenever I thought of circa 1979 Tony Toth. And with peace, I could close
that chapter and move on, thankful for the blessings that were given to me
instead.
(I hope you are well, my friend.)
Kelli L. McDonald
1 February 2014
Eagle Mountain, Utah
