It's a Mom Thing

We all do it, that is, if we are of the female persuasion and have claim to at least one child. Although, I am sure that a number of aunts and good female friends who are associated with children can make the same claim. Grandma’s can call it by another name but they still fit in the same category as the rest of us. I’m as guilty as the next person. I used to make excuses but not anymore! I finally learned to identify it by the correct terminology. It’s called “a mom thing.” Wow! I feel so much better knowing there is a name associated with this behavior. Nothing here to be ashamed of despite what our kids will say, especially when they roll their eyes at you. I particularly love the exasperated tone that is provided when they think they are not getting through to us. Such joy and pleasure that it does my heart good knowing that child, too, is being normal for his or her development. Share with me the delight in discovering the clarity of how this conduct is characterized. Feel free to contribute your knowledge of this experience.   

                You act like Helicopter Parent with your first child. By the second, third, fourth, you are too tired and are ready for them to live and learn. My sister-in-law, Natalie, reports that with her first child, she could not do enough, especially with the baby books. She has 3 girls now and hasn’t even begun to start on the 3^rd child’s book.

          You tear up when your mom takes your first child for the weekend. By the time the others come around, you can’t wait to get them out the door!

            You know it’s a mom thing when, instead of fixing your own nutritional breakfast, you find it easier just to eat what the kids left on their plates.

            You get emotional every time the National Anthem is played. After my son joined the military, I was never the same during this song. I have substitute taught in the public schools where many have family members serving. Many times the kids have been disrespectful during the Pledge of Allegiance or the National Anthem. I do not mince words when it comes to this!

          You are emotional when your soldier son or daughter describes the conditions faced while in the military. One night while my son was describing the condition, I slightly turned my head to grimace. He told me not to get emotional because that is just the way it is. I replied that it was “a mom thing.”

          You offer to put ointment on your daughter’s back after your daughter comes home with a tattoo emblazoned upon her back. You think to yourself back when she was an innocent baby. Her skin - soft and supple – now scarred by permanent ink as well as the healing that will come.

          You wait up till…for your child to come home from being out with friends or at work just to make sure they are safe and so that you can sleep better.

          You give “the father’s talk” to your daughter’s date, reminding the young man that this is your baby girl – your most treasured item. You remind the young man that you expect her to be brought home as she left or he will be held responsible! I did this so many times that her male friends were afraid of me.

          You take a million pictures of your child’s first date.

          You call to check on them while they are still on that date. Thank heavens for cell phones!

          You stay up till…to listen to them lament over a heart wrenching relationship.

          You call their place of employment because they are late getting off. This is while they are now an adult and living at home. (I’ve learned to wait.)

          You offer to take their friend home from work at 11pm so that he does not have to walk the 10 miles. This really happened to one of my kid’s friends. They worked together and he was expected to walk home because his mother did not have the money for gas. We were limited too, but all I could think about was this kid having to walk that distance in the dark no less! We took him home without question.

          You struggle with the decision to let your child fall when they’ve made poor choices, knowing full well it will hurt you just as much – if not more – to allow that child to suffer the consequences.

          You struggle to avoid making contact with a child who does not want your contact or help.

          Saying over and over and over, “We are breaking. We are breaking” as you put your foot to the floor with emphasis. OH MY! Teaching children to drive and in the snow even!!!

          Avoiding the urge to “rescue” your adult child from the bullies at work. My son constantly reminded me of his adult status and that he can handle the situation. One day I will learn not to react.

          You write letters to your child’s employer reminding them of the ethic’s and health department’s codes. Several times I wrote to remind the managers who were attacking my child of the codes they, as supervisors, were violating.

          A baby cries and your milk comes in.

          A child in a public place cries, “MOM!” and you look. Never mind that your child is now an adult living somewhere else.

          You forget how to talk as you watch with teary eyes the birth of your first grandchild. I was counting and making direct eye contact for my daughter while she was in the process of giving birth. Suddenly, the baby’s head appeared and my voice left me for a moment. My daughter cried, “Mom, don’t stop counting.” I couldn’t help myself for a few moments.

          You innocently post embarrassing pictures of your children on the social network without first consulting with them. OOOPPPS!

            You offer to clean your child’s room knowing full well that as soon as you step foot over the threshold, that child will abruptly and without warning, rise to the occasion. This method works particularly well with one of my children who shall remain nameless. Speaking of which, I need something to do!

          You allow your child to keep a pet because you feel sorry for it. Never mind you not only do not have the space for said pet but you have no idea on how to care for it. I allowed my daughter to keep a rabbit inside even though we had limited space as well as several other well-cared for pets. What a learning experience!

            You eat your child’s food so it does not go to waste.

          You eat horrible-tasting baby food in an effort to get your child to eat it! Yuk!

            You run to the store to get a large bag or two of candy for your daughter’s class. Brook called me from school, saying she needed enough candy for about 30 kids. My day was already busy enough but I did not want her to be left out.

          You give in to your child’s pleas to be able to go somewhere or listen to the c.d. player.  I can be such a hypocrite sometimes.

            In order to give your child the experience, you allow her to cut your hair. When Brook was 13 years old, I let her cut my hair short. I’m not sure how ridiculous it looked, but given the interesting looks at work, I’m sure it was creative. I didn’t care. Brook was aspiring to be a beautician at the time. I was a safe project to practice on.

          In order to give your children the experience, you give them an old car for their birthday as practice. Seth was only 9 years old and Johnny was only 12 years old when I gave them my broken-down car that no longer worked. The air was removed from the tires so the vehicle would not fall on them. They went to work tearing it apart. A few “well-meaning” individuals gave their unsolicited opinions. Notice “well-meaning” in quotation marks? John is entering his 3^rd year as an automotive major at a local university.

            You remind your adolescents to wear clean underwear in the daily note.

          You rave about how wonderful the meal is that your kids just completed –even though your own stomach is churning.

            You buy a book because your child shows an interest in the movie. Then he loses interest once you buy the book. John was intrigued by “Island of the Blue Dolphins.” He said he wanted to read the book when he was 11 years old. I bought the book and he was no longer interested! My mom did the same thing when the kids sparked an interest in “The Hardy Boys & Nancy Drew” series.

          You find humor in a temper tantrum. (No explanation needed!)

            You go to extra ordinary efforts on behalf of your children to ensure they pass a class.

          Attend several award dinners with your child – even though she didn’t win anything – just so they could be there with a parent. Brook was part of several extra-curricular activities. She never won an award, but she was the winner’s biggest supporters – next to their own families. It was important that I attend for her.

            Being your child’s best and favorite supporter, especially when they are feeling especially hard on themselves.

          Burning everyone’s ears with how difficult your child’s situation is and how you wished you knew how to help them and feeling guilty for “abusing” the listening ears with your lamenting. This is for you-know-who and I love you.

Kelli McDonald 6/21/2012